The TRANSFORMATION!!!!

I remember the day when i completed my studies and get passed out from DAVIET as Electronics Engineer. It was good to see myself fullfilling one commitment i made to myself to be an engineer after plenty of thougts i gave to suggestions people gave me after my HSC. But now what, is it over?? Had this be enough. Nop!! Now the next target was too see myself doing a HANDSOME JOB.

HANDSOME ya that's it i thought and i looked that way. I remember when CONVERGES asia's largest BPO came for interview at our college. I along with some fellows BYCAUT that. Just sees that the job is mere mocking of what we have done. Feeling embres in doing such. So why not trying in Softwares? "It's a fashion these days, want to do something different". Those were the thoughts in my and some of my fellows minds. Young, enthusiastic, passed out lads just unknowingly the TRUTH of LIFE outside, were ready to take all. But was it really the case? Today after 4 years i asked myself.
I remember i just go after GOVT services, gave exams but hardly cleared any. MOM scolded, sometime gave refrences and that thing i hated the most. Just always told mom, " So what if somebody got job in lakhs of package? My time will come!!" Just spoken rudley sometimes. After long chase, when nothing i got what i planed, i was in a state of fix.

Then two of my friends got good jobs, one got through in TCS, one at NIT. Was happy to see those joyfull faces but someway inside had urge to become something close to that if not more. But all i had was no time on hand.
I remember when my friends gave me some opportunities during those struggling days of mine, Asking me to came over to there respective places for interviews, job search etc, but i refused. Why i couldn't explained at that time. So a year passed in all such nonsense.

Then one day i went jalandhar to see my friend. He too was having tough period. We just decided to pass our time in Domino's near bus stand. When we reached there the resturant was barley occupied. Just me and my friend and one or two more. We were sitting occuping a table having some discussions. Suddenly a very pretty girl, about my age came and clear the mess off from our table and polietly asked what would we like to have. We just orderd a pizza. Moment later a young boy again about my age came and serve us the order. I looked upon both of them, they were concentrating and working hard for other orders to be fulfilled. Some questions struck in my mind!! We finished and just leave the premises. Then i board on bus to Amritsar.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!!"Those were the words which i said to myself while on my way to Home. Seeing those young bloods, of my age, from a respectable decent family as of mine working in Domino's perhaps left many questions in front of me which i ought to answer. "What am i doing?" "Am i neglecting work??" Ashamfully i said to myself "YES"!!

I admit that day. Yes i admit that firstly i neglect the work. and why so?? Perhaps i knows the answer more than anybody. Just don't have enough gutts to tell someone close at that time. I remember once i scolded nature to be partial with me. But i was wrong!! It was me myself responsible for all that act happening to me. I myself was pushing my life in ruins.

In night at home while lying on bed, i hardly feel sleepy. So much to ask upon, to get cleared. What went wrong with me?? is it really time's delima?? Nop, what my heart and my brain told me after having long thougts. It was my inabilty to stand and express, to deliver when time demands which led to the senario i was in, and over that my nutter behaviour, taking things lightly, not giving repect to life's principle which made things worse. I feel guilty, ashamed of myself to thrashed the thousand hopes and most importantly of MINES. "Don't you dare to weep, you have lost all that right. Weeping will not change the things." the words from my soul came in my mind.
Next day when i awake, things were not the same. I felt a TRANSFORMATION inside me. With the dawn of sun i awake from darkness. Darkness of illusion that was constructed for a year now in my mind. I promised,,umm,, not promised, i have hardly fullfill those, but yes decided to act upon. Taking lesson i learnt last night just made my mind clear that enough is enough you have to act now. Perhaps now i understand the value of work. For the first time i saw work as work, not as status symbol, not as small or big. Inside my heart thanking NATURE and those TWO YOUNG ONES to make me relaise that, which person of my age should be cleared with a LONG LONG ago.

But its better to come back even if it is late. Now, today when i remember those days, that period of mine and compare it with my present i feel humble. Humble to nature, humble to those two to whom i have never showed my regards. Unknowingly they have made TRANSFORMATION in me. Today, i feel happy, if not proud of myself , seeing myself working, working good, working hard and most importantly, WORKING WITH HEART. But still a long way to go. Perhaps some more to come. More objectives to be complete.

Just hoping this time too nature will be kind enough to show me the way if i made a WRONG ENTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY FIRST CRUSH

It was starting days of autums season of 90's when a beautiful sensation just shivers and rock me up. I went with my mother and aunt along with me to jalandhar to board on a family bus for a trip to mata vaishno devi shrine but i just didn't except; what the mother goddess had planned for me.
We were in Devi Talab temple at jalandhar, waiting for others to company us for the trip. A few hours later a stunning and cool surprise came all the way from the national capital to awake the hidden emotion of a 12 year lad. Her beauty was breathtaking, her smile was giving new hopes to life. Her voice was tonning air with honey. Perhaps more. yes indeed!! I remember my first walk along with her; an exhubihant expirence all the way along the premises of Devi Talab Temple. And then at lawn i listen my name from the beautiful mouth in sweetest of manner. I can't express how my heart went jubliant. Well then we board and moved forward for mata vaishno devi shrine. On our way we had lot of chats about each other.
Next morning we arrived at katra and marched towards the shrine. All the way she and me were together, sharing thoughts, sharing food. Sometimes she just become nottie i guess and let soft silky hand of her touch and fell my face. Oh!! it was awsome, never happened before with me. Then when we entered the shrine temple, side by side, walking neck to neck, paying homages to the mighty goddess; there was only one thing in my mind; only one prayer to the mother, please give this life to me, oh my mother!!!
And after we walk outside it was such that maa has fulfilled an unexpected dream. I was numb, yes indeed. I fall in love. I had a big CRUSH. The time of my life i experienced. Well!! ahh!! it is said that the overblown baloon brust. Yes it brust, the bubble of my lovely senses, lovely wish. All the way down to katra i came to know she was 24, already engaged. And i was just completly stunned. I just split away and walk alone to katra. In bus when we left for jalandhar, i was sitting quit, have no words to speak indeed!! Then she came to me, lushed her hand over my face with love again enlightened me, my sensations. My heart becoming exsubient, wanted to show its emotion but perhaps my lips barred me to do so.
At last the time came for us to just go away. We left at jalandhar, me with my mom and aunt. Just before i left i brought two sweet chocolate especially for her and while huge demand from others, i just handed over those to her. Perhaps a way to show my feelings. She gave me UNFORGTBALE kiss on my cheeks again luter her hands on my face and then in her beautiful way said goodbye to me.
Good bye MY LOVE!! I didn't speak, but these were the words which ran in my mind all my way to Amritsar ;the home. A one or two tears in eyes, can't really show my emotions, perrhaps was too young to do this. But yes that night just remeber the days of my life, the moments i spent with her. She really shakled a 12 year SOUL.
Ah!! Today i can't really remember her name but her face her image will always be in my mind. I met her afterward in a marriage but this time things were not the same. not that much of enthusiasm she showed at first meeting. perhaps because she were married. But Yes she game me her million dollar smile, recognised me. That's all was important to me. And what was important the moment i spent with that ANGEL!!!! I thank's MAA for really made that thing happen in my life.!! Wishing all the happiness for my UNSAID LOVE!!!!